Tarpflanster is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, compassionate fish.

Tarpflanster created the world three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpflanster, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tarpflanster, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Tarpflanster's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Tarpflanster's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bats.

2. You must pray to Tarpflanster six times a day.

3. Do not wear white clothing.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always treat seals with great respect.