Besstamxemlak is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, irritating dragon.

Besstamxemlak created water twelve years ago.

If you believe in Besstamxemlak, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Besstamxemlak, she will destroy your home solar system.

Besstamxemlak's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Besstamxemlak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Hide from yellow doves for they are unholy.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never chant in the presence of snakes.