Quafcitdad is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, humorless walrus.

Quafcitdad created the Cigar Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quafcitdad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quafcitdad, he will turn you into a hamster.

Quafcitdad's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Quafcitdad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not drink water in turquoise rooms.

3. Quafcitdad loves doves, so they must be honoured.

4. Quafcitdad must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.