Cemsatrig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, happy newt.

Cemsatrig created energy eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cemsatrig, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cemsatrig, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Cemsatrig's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Cemsatrig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat grapes.

2. Always help sick tapirs.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never think about nebulae.

5. Never hurt monkeys.