Tanbonvag is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, amazing pig.

Tanbonvag created a top quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tanbonvag, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tanbonvag, she will turn you into a slug.

Tanbonvag's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Tanbonvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ants.

2. Hide if five ducks approach from the north.

3. Always help sick badgers.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Erect four platinum sculptures of Tanbonvag on top of important buildings.