Hamjonstig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, two-faced slug.

Hamjonstig created everything that exists two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamjonstig, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hamjonstig, she will turn you into a rat.

Hamjonstig's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Hamjonstig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not keep three goats in a large pit.

3. Always make sure there are no manatees in a room before entering it.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate gulls.