Lagfidtig is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, bad-tempered zebra.

Lagfidtig created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagfidtig, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Lagfidtig, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Lagfidtig's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Lagfidtig's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to horses while wearing shorts.

2. Never skip in the presence of moths.

3. Put Lagfidtig first in all things.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.