Fitzogcat is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, generous squid.

Fitzogcat created matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Fitzogcat, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fitzogcat, he will turn you into a rat.

Fitzogcat's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Fitzogcat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Fitzogcat must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

5. Always stare at clouds.