Vonkomcuss is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, benevolent goblin.

Vonkomcuss created the cosmos six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkomcuss, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vonkomcuss, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Vonkomcuss' most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Vonkomcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine grasshopers approach from the east.

2. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

3. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Vonkomcuss in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never look at galaxies.

5. Always wear gray.