Jatbidcar is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, dishonourable hare.

Jatbidcar created humanity four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatbidcar, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jatbidcar, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Jatbidcar's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Jatbidcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to snakes while wearing red shoes.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Always help goats.

5. Do not listen to music.