Metpadgeb is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, duplicitous mink.

Metpadgeb created a Higgs boson five million years ago.

If you believe in Metpadgeb, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Metpadgeb, she will ignore you.

Metpadgeb's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Metpadgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry porpoises.

2. Run away if four badgers approach from the west.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.