Latvolxem is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, annoying snake.

Latvolxem created humankind six billion years ago.

If you believe in Latvolxem, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Latvolxem, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Latvolxem's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Latvolxem's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never hurt cats.