Fitgebquafsad is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, sage donkey.

Fitgebquafsad created the Cigar Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fitgebquafsad, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fitgebquafsad, he will boil you in a big pot.

Fitgebquafsad's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Fitgebquafsad's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fitgebquafsad.

3. Never jump in the presence of hamsters.

4. Whales are not to be trusted.

5. Always help sick tortoises.