Gubontzak is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, staggering mole.

Gubontzak created the planet Earth seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gubontzak, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gubontzak, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Gubontzak's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Gubontzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

2. Never think about amino acids.

3. Do not bounce in public.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.