Teenloghamkin is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, selfish crow.

Teenloghamkin created a quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Teenloghamkin, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Teenloghamkin, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Teenloghamkin's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Teenloghamkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill sheep.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate rats.

4. Do not speak about onions.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.