Hambemhakmot is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, emotional turtle.

Hambemhakmot created the world two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hambemhakmot, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hambemhakmot, it will come to you in dreams.

Hambemhakmot's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Hambemhakmot's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt monkeys.

2. Never bounce in the presence of voles.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate geese.

5. Never think about gravity.