Witwanfit is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, resourceful porpoise.

Witwanfit created dark matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Witwanfit, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Witwanfit, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Witwanfit's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Witwanfit's Holy Commandments

1. Witwanfit loves birds, so they must be respected.

2. Never go into gray rooms.

3. Always help horses in need.

4. Gulls are not to be trusted.

5. Fast once a month.