Yempasgad is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, loving grasshopper.

Yempasgad created the planet Saturn seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yempasgad, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Yempasgad, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Yempasgad's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Yempasgad's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Do not speak about strawberries.

3. Do not hurt sheep.

4. Run away from green manatees, for they are unholy.

5. Never think ill of sick swans.