Ponvengid is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, narcissistic duck.

Ponvengid created an up quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Ponvengid, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Ponvengid, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Ponvengid's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Ponvengid's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Nematodes are unholy and should not be approached.

4. You must never eat grapes.

5. Do not covet oxen.