Jatgemquag is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, moody wren.

Jatgemquag created carbon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatgemquag, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jatgemquag, he will boil you in a big pot.

Jatgemquag's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Jatgemquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in the presence of squirrels.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not shave your head.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.