Bonzedham Sabstangep is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, amazing wolf.

Bonzedham Sabstangep created the Whirlpool Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonzedham Sabstangep, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Bonzedham Sabstangep, he will turn you into a tree.

Bonzedham Sabstangep's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Bonzedham Sabstangep's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention pigs.

2. Never go into red rooms.

3. Run away from blue snakes, for they are unholy.

4. You must love Bonzedham Sabstangep.

5. Always obey Bonzedham Sabstangep's priests.