Dogvanfas is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, weak shrew.

Dogvanfas created dark energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dogvanfas, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dogvanfas, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Dogvanfas' most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Dogvanfas' Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if three aardvarks approach from the north.

2. Never hurt horses.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not take Dogvanfas' name in vain.