Pitcemgut is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, uncaring faun.

Pitcemgut created carbon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitcemgut, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Pitcemgut, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Pitcemgut's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Pitcemgut's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Do not dye your hair indigo.

4. Do not speak about carrots.

5. You must never eat wheat.