Bethaktunbess is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, self-confident crocodile.

Bethaktunbess created snails eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bethaktunbess, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bethaktunbess, he will try to impress you with trees.

Bethaktunbess' most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Bethaktunbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Do not eat garlic.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.