Tifwanfab is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, grumpy slug.

Tifwanfab created Africa two million years ago.

If you believe in Tifwanfab, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tifwanfab, he will turn you into a puffin.

Tifwanfab's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Tifwanfab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about seals.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Hide from magenta moths for they are unholy.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Always wear pink.