Gonpadhon is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, dishonourable fish.

Gonpadhon created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonpadhon, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gonpadhon, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Gonpadhon's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Gonpadhon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Hide from fawn grasshopers for they are unholy.

4. Never jump in the presence of mice.

5. Always treat whales with great respect.