Yartdoblakkam Vegbimjab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, blissful octopus.

Yartdoblakkam Vegbimjab created Asia nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yartdoblakkam Vegbimjab, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yartdoblakkam Vegbimjab, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Yartdoblakkam Vegbimjab's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Yartdoblakkam Vegbimjab's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not chant in public.

5. Always take life seriously.