Hanhapnib is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, all-knowing squid.

Hanhapnib created the Sol system six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hanhapnib, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hanhapnib, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Hanhapnib's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Hanhapnib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair black.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. You must pray to Hanhapnib seven times a day.

4. Put Hanhapnib first in all things.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.