Flablitwan is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, generous guinea pig.

Flablitwan created a top quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flablitwan, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flablitwan, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Flablitwan's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Flablitwan's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five sharks approach from the north.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not trade with those who eat figs.

4. Never run in the presence of ducks.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.