Sabtoncuss is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, unsympathetic wolf.

Sabtoncuss created dark energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sabtoncuss, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Sabtoncuss, it will turn you into a mouse.

Sabtoncuss' most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Sabtoncuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always help snails.