Largquimjam is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, fussy donkey.

Largquimjam created carbon eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Largquimjam, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Largquimjam, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Largquimjam's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Largquimjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in black rooms.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never look at galaxies.