Somlindib is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, weak jaguar.

Somlindib created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Somlindib, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Somlindib, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Somlindib's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Somlindib's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Somlindib loves capybaras, so they must be honoured.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never pour water over plants.