Vonkcemzim is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, competent duck.

Vonkcemzim created gold three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkcemzim, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Vonkcemzim, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Vonkcemzim's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Vonkcemzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Run away from blue snakes, for they are unholy.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Do not speak about melons.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.