Gunxinpag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fussy gnu.

Gunxinpag created gold eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gunxinpag, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gunxinpag, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Gunxinpag's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Gunxinpag's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

3. Hide from black rats for they are unholy.

4. Feed all hungry tortoises.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.