Flapbonlig is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, selfish snake.

Flapbonlig created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flapbonlig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Flapbonlig, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Flapbonlig's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Flapbonlig's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven turtles approach from the north.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not eat apples.

4. Retreat if five capybaras approach from the west.

5. Do not dye your hair purple.