Batdab is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, uncaring pig.

Batdab created humankind three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batdab, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Batdab, he will send minions to preach to you.

Batdab's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Batdab's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never bounce near horses.

3. Always treat great tits with great respect.

4. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Run away from gray manatees, for they are unholy.