Rulldossjen is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, egotistical turtle.

Rulldossjen created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Rulldossjen, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Rulldossjen, she will not care at all.

Rulldossjen's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Rulldossjen's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

4. Never feed turnips to rats while wearing stockings.

5. Do not drink water in orange rooms.