Lakfidgess Tonkafken is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, proud shrew.

Lakfidgess Tonkafken created the planet Saturn eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakfidgess Tonkafken, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lakfidgess Tonkafken, he will turn you into a snail.

Lakfidgess Tonkafken's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Lakfidgess Tonkafken's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity.

2. Never feed gooseberries to eagles while wearing trousers.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. You must love Lakfidgess Tonkafken.

5. Worship no other gods but Lakfidgess Tonkafken.