Damjamfad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, omnipotent walrus.

Damjamfad created oxygen seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Damjamfad, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Damjamfad, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Damjamfad's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Damjamfad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about eagles.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Damjamfad.

4. Never feed cucumbers to bats while wearing shorts.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.