Yarpbafhen is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, ruthless raccoon.

Yarpbafhen created the Sol system eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarpbafhen, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Yarpbafhen, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Yarpbafhen's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Yarpbafhen's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured grasshopers.

2. Never talk about dark energy.

3. Never feed lots of beans to hamsters while wearing turquoise jumpers.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Never paint your arms cyan.