Fotquagominarnhim Jopzagab is a god.

It takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, ill-tempered fish.

Fotquagominarnhim Jopzagab created a bottom quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotquagominarnhim Jopzagab, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fotquagominarnhim Jopzagab, it will send you a sign.

Fotquagominarnhim Jopzagab's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Fotquagominarnhim Jopzagab's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention tapirs.

2. Feed all hungry sheep.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Fotquagominarnhim Jopzagab.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.