Vablenbess is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, sapient guinea pig.

Vablenbess created gold two billion years ago.

If you believe in Vablenbess, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vablenbess, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Vablenbess' most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Vablenbess' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat coconuts.

2. Do not take Vablenbess' name in vain.

3. Never write about fluid mechanics.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Vablenbess loves mites, so they must be respected.