Bissbagmattetti is a god.

He takes the form of a small, narcissistic dolphin.

Bissbagmattetti created a top quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bissbagmattetti, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bissbagmattetti, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Bissbagmattetti's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Bissbagmattetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never paint your face red.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not wear silicon on your body.

5. Do not hurt porpoises.