Lamtapsig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonest frog.

Lamtapsig created the planet Mars three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamtapsig, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Lamtapsig, he will destroy your favourite star.

Lamtapsig's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Lamtapsig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Never wear shoes.

5. Respect your elders.