Gilflynell is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, unfair horse.

Gilflynell created a photon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gilflynell, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Gilflynell, he will boil you in a big pot.

Gilflynell's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Gilflynell's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop near cats.

2. Never think about dark matter near gulls while wearing blue coats and balancing eight platinum spheres on your neck.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

5. Never sprint in holy places.