Zakyattin is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, irritating porpoise.

Zakyattin created the planet Jupiter two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zakyattin, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Zakyattin, he will destroy your favourite star.

Zakyattin's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Zakyattin's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat aubergines.

2. Erect three silicon sculptures of Zakyattin on top of important buildings.

3. Never sing in the presence of tortoises.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Respect your elders.