Teenhaparm is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, able seal.

Teenhaparm created the planet Jupiter eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenhaparm, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Teenhaparm, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Teenhaparm's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Teenhaparm's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not speak about aubergines.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Hide from violet monkeys for they are unholy.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.