Lapvadbon is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, sage eagle.

Lapvadbon created the Large Magellanic Cloud nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapvadbon, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Lapvadbon, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Lapvadbon's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Lapvadbon's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Lapvadbon in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never talk about mites.

3. Never feed oranges to porpoises while wearing stockings.

4. Always make sure there are no cats in a building before entering it.

5. Always pray immersed in water.