Gesstablikcat is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, wise coyote.

Gesstablikcat created energy five million years ago.

If you believe in Gesstablikcat, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gesstablikcat, he will curse you with boils.

Gesstablikcat's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Gesstablikcat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat corn.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate goats.

4. Do not speak about strawberries.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.