Staftettiyim is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, staggering tapir.

Staftettiyim created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Staftettiyim, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Staftettiyim, she will boil you in a big pot.

Staftettiyim's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Staftettiyim's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear violet kilts.

2. Never feed spinach to hamsters while wearing white rings.

3. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Run away from mauve badgers, for they are unholy.

5. Never talk about fire.